


grow weary

by raphaelslewis



Series: Hit Me With Your One Shots [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt Raphael, I'm Sorry, Oblivious Simon, The Author Regrets Everything, Unhappy Ending, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9283028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raphaelslewis/pseuds/raphaelslewis
Summary: He could hear the habitual soft breathing that Simon still did and the sound soothed him, made him forget the pain radiating in his chest for just a moment."Yeah, I'm okay.. Just a little shocked to be hearing from you."Raphael smiled dejectedly to himself, dropping his head back to rest against the alley wall as he blinked up at the paling sky.He was hungry.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Minor trigger warning: There are mentions of blood near the end.

_Lonesome. Lonesome. I know what it means. Here all by my lonesome, dreaming empty dreams. Weary. Weary at the close of day, wondering if tomorrow brings me joy or sorrow.  
-Leon Redbone_

-

Simon didn't really understand why he answered the phone when the brightly lit display came to life, announcing an incoming call from Raphael Santiago. 

Looking back, he figured that on some level he had known what was about to happen and in the end he was grateful that he got to have those precious few moments.

-

_"Raphael?"_

Raphael tried to choke back the sound of relief that threatened to escape when Simon answered the call. He gripped his phone tighter as he shifted against the wall before gently clearing his throat. 

His chest hurt.

"Simon, apologies for calling so late, I hope you're doing well?"

He could hear the habitual soft breathing that Simon still did and the sound soothed him, made him forget the pain radiating in his chest for just a moment.

_"Yeah, I'm okay.. Just a little shocked to be hearing from you."_

Raphael smiled dejectedly to himself, dropping his head back to rest against the alley wall as he blinked up at the paling sky.

He was hungry.

"I'm glad that you're okay, the way that we left things-" he swallowed against the burning in his throat- "well, I've been worried about how you would handle everything by yourself."

It was getting a little harder to hold the phone and he didn't think he could continue for much longer. He was fighting with every fiber of his being to continue listening to the barely there breaths that emanated from Simon's end.

 _"Honestly, I wasn't really capable of anything before Magnus took me in,"_ he paused and Raphael could only assume that the comment was meant to highlight what an awful teacher he had been. _"He said that he talked to you about my training, is that true?"_

Raphael let out a low chuckle, his heart breaking just a little bit more at the hope practically radiating over the line. He noted that the few visible stars were slowly fading with the coming dawn, and he sighed. Just a little while longer, that's all he wanted. To hear Simon's voice for a few more minutes.

Everything hurt.

"Of course, and what he's spoken of it so far has made me quite proud. You've worked hard on enhancing your senses and, to quote our resident high warlock, become a bit of a badass."

He heard the sharp intake when mentioning the fact that he was proud, and Raphael couldn't help the small smile that pulled up the corners of his cracking lips.

He was starving.

"Simon-" he fought to keep the tone of his voice even- "I just want you to know that everything that happened with the clan, with our family, it's forgiven."

Tears started to burn at the corners of his eyes, building and spilling over in a split second.

The pain in his chest got sharper.

"I took a vote earlier and it was unanimously decided that, if you want to, you can come back." Raphael couldn't stop the slight tremble in his voice, the tears were coming faster as he continued. "You can come _home_ baby." 

_"Wait, really?"_

He nodded before remembering that Simon couldn't actually see him.

"Yeah, Simon. We all want you back and safe." Raphael's throat tightened as he tried not to openly sob when he heard the first telltale sniffles coming from Simon.

_"Shit, thank you. Thank you so much. I can't tell you how sorry I am about everything that I did, I just- I just wanted to be able to help Jocelyn but I shouldn't have betrayed the clan."_

He could tell that Simon had actually broken down and started crying at this point and couldn't do more than shush him and try not to cry any harder himself.

"Like I said, we're family and I just want you to be happy because I care about you Simon. The entire clan feels the same. You're our fledgling."

His head was getting foggy.

Raphael finally looked away from the last star fighting against the impending sunlight and down at himself. He was propped against an alley wall, sitting in God knew what, his favourite suit absolutely drenched in blood, with a jagged tear in the center of his shirt that did absolutely nothing to hide the gaping hole in his chest that refused to heal.

He waited until Simon's sobs had turned to soft breathing before speaking again.

"So what do you say? Are you ready to come back?"

_"Yeah, I am. I've missed you all so much and I just want to be with my family again."_

There. Simon had said it. _Family._

"I'm glad."

His nerve endings were on fire. 

He heard Simon yawn and cleared his throat again, the foul taste of his own blood slowly making its way up his throat. He swallowed hard, and tried to memorise the pattern of breath that fell softly into his ear from the phone speaker. His fingers were starting to go numb.

His head hurt.

"Go to bed baby, the suns almost up."

He was tired.

_"Okay Raphael, Goodnight."_

He looked up and bid the last star goodbye.

"Goodnight Simon, it's been an absolute pleasure. I'll see you later."

_I love you Simon_

Raphael dropped his phone. 

The sunrise was so beautiful.

It didn't hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I should probably never write anything ever again.
> 
> This was originally supposed to be a cute over the phone conversation between Raphael and Simon, but then my brain went down the 'what if' spiral into HELL.
> 
> If you want to send me some hate, check me out on [tumblr](http://raphaels-lewis.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/raphaelslewis).


End file.
